Thursday, January 05, 2006

Maybe it wasn't good enough, but I gave you all I could

On the eleventh day of Festivus, (for the rest of us) The Triple-Dub gave to me:

Eleven Psychotic Search Strings

You had to know this one was coming. I've been putting the periodical search string post off for a while due to the Zen Posting, but I've gathered up enough links over the holiday season to fill a good post.

We'll start this off in the traditional manner, of course - with the snot searches. While it might sound like my booger-loving readers have been slacking off, all is not as it seems. They started the season off right, at the very fist search:
25-Dec-2005 08:59 q=coughing up chunks of mucus

And then, while there was only one other search string about nosegoblins... it showed up four separate times. Not too impressive, until you realize it was a search for orange snot. Four separate people on four separate occasions in the last two weeks had a burning desire to know about orange snot.
28-Dec-2006 13:01 q=orange snot
02-Jan-2006 15:09 q=orange snot
05-Jan-2006 07:36 q=orange snot
05-Jan-2006 08:21 q=orange snot

There was also quite a bit of interest in a picture I posted a couple months ago. Namely, this one:

Nothing puts me closer to the spirit of the season than bitchslapping some mouthy fuckwit in a random internet chatroom. I know you guys will back me up on this.

There have also been some searches I would really like to know more about, such as this one:
2 Jan 12:08:28 AM i know you got soul/ breakdance

Really, I appreciate your faith that I am all-knowing, and all-wise... but I have absolutely no soul. None whatsoever. You could hook me up to a Wilson Pickett I.V. and it wouldn't help me inform you about breakdancing. Sometimes, the Google: she lies to chyou.

But, as Arlo Guthrie once said, I didn't come here to tell you about all that. I came here to talk about the sickass pervos on the net. (well, he wanted to talk about the war... but they didn't have as much cool stuff online in the 60s as we do now.)
2 Jan 06:08:19 AM teen ass
2 Jan 06:08:48 AM teen ass
4 Jan 11:45:18 AM scotland mom blog

I know these two topics have no relation whatsoever... but when they show up back-to-back like that, it makes you go hmmmm. I prefer to think that someone found enough teen ass to last him two days, and then came trolling back for more.

So that's day eleven, a thoughtful pause for reflection before I go headlong into the project's big finale. All I have to say is that you guys are seriously disturbed... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ten Bowls of Booberry!
Nine Penis-Enlargement Drug Solicitations
Eight Asshole Neighbors
Seven Hours of Dry Heaves
Six A-Capella Wookies
Five Gooo-hoooold Ringtones
Four Minutes of Jibba-Jabba
Three Absolutely Unexpected Violent Incidents
Two Turtle Dentists
And A Hastily-Conceived Blogging Project!

Previous Search String Inanity:
Listen up you primitive screwheads: this is my GOOGLE!
Zen Blogging
Misspelling Bee
Boobies for the Frog Brothers
Phlegm Redux
The Mystery of Soul Bitches


Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Nice to see that nobody was concerned about my absence... thanks, guys.

9:46 PM, February 04, 2006  
Blogger Rachy said...


I commented

7:16 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

You're right Rachel, you did comment. Credit where credit is due, and I apologize.
You officially don't suck.

2:59 AM, February 15, 2006  

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