I am searching, I am not alone

Rejoice Rachel, for your day has come!

The internet is full of scary scary people. I'm not talking about the wackjobs trying to blow up innocent children getting candy. Nor am I talking about the people that take sites like bonsai kittens seriously. Anyone who's been blogging long enough to be noticed by our favorite search engines will gladly tell you stories of the fucked-up search strings they get daily. It is to those creepy bastards and their twisted quests that I dedicate today's post.

I knew I was on to something when my very first search engine hit was looking for Puce Pops. Since then I've kept a collection of my favorites, and today I share the wealth with all of you.

Naturally, I get a fair share of folks looking for song lyrics. However, I've gotten far too much mileage out of the plexiglas toilet song. At least 25% of my hits are from misguided souls hoping I can show them what the hell Styx was on about with that... alas I cannot.
That's not to say that there aren't a number of people looking for fine toilet poetry. Quite the contrary, I've gotten plenty of straightforward hits on that... what a shame that nobody's bothered to share the wealth.

In other news, there's links for the health-conscious:

• "Chunks of Phlegm."
  
• not to be outdone, the following week brought me "Phlegm Chunks."
  
• and rounding out the mucus trifecta, there's "Coughing up White Chunks."
  

For the hairstyling enthusiasts among you, there's plenty of searches about Eddie Steeples... most of which I can thank Steeplechaser for.

Still, my all-time favorite has to be "Soul Bitches."
Who or what these soul bitches are is strill a mystery to me, but it must be important because I've gotten it twice.

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Update: What is it with the Internet and phlegm chunks? Seriously.