Monday, January 02, 2006

Oh we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

On the Eighth day of the Holiday Infant's Birthday celebration, the addin' machine gave to me:

Eight Asshole Neighbors

While most of Hammistan has been fortunate to experience a nice spate of warm weather recently, last week was an entirely different story. It was bloody cold out here, and that's all there is to it. If it weren't for the crazy-ass hurricane refugees in the downstairs apartment keeping their thermostat in the mid 80s, (a great decade but a lousy thermostat setting, I assure you) I would have had to start wearing a coat inside.
No, I'm not broke... I just don't think it's appropriate to be freezing my ass off inside my own home.

Anyway, I digress. This is all just all just the set-up for today's gift - and no, it's not the wacky creoles downstairs. I love the hell out of those guys for allowing me to pay my electric bill with pocket change this winter... so long as they're out of here and moving home by the end of spring.
What I'm on about today is the swimming pool at my apartment complex. Instead of draining the thing out and letting us go all dogtown in there, the management intends to keep the pool filled all winter. Well, since it was cold last week, the pool froze over. While there wasn't enough ice to warrant bidding on an HHL (Hammistan Hockey League) franchise, there was plenty enough ice to support smaller objects. By the second day of ice, the students that hadn't moved out yet began an impromptu science lab to discover what exactly the ice would support.

Leaves - Check
Dirt Clods - Check
Medium-Sized Rocks - Negative
A 32oz. Drink from McDonalds - Check
An Orange - Check

Yep, that small amount of pool ice was pretty darn strong. Was being the operative word here. Because now it's a week later, and the ice is a distant memory. What isn't a memoy at all is all the shit the dumbass brigade has thrown in our pool, especially the trash and rotting orange.
Thanks, assholes. I appreciate looking out at that stuff every day.

Seven Hours of Dry Heaves
Six A-Capella Wookies
Five Gooo-hoooold Ringtones
Four Minutes of Jibba-Jabba
Three Absolutely Unexpected Violent Incidents
Two Turtle Dentists
And A Hastily-concieved blogging project!


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