Thursday, November 17, 2005

And if they had the words I could tell to you

Crikey, but does anyone know how to spell a damn thing anymore? I swear the internet is a pack of knuckle-dragging neanterthals when they're not able to use their spell checkers... I talked about this in the last two search string posts, but I guess I failed to recognize the epidemic level of dumbasses out there.

Witness my recent Search Strings:
03-Nov-2005 08:38 Yahoo p=pitchers of scotland
09-Nov-2005 06:06 MSN q=alien pitchers
16-Nov-2005 09:13 MSN q=scotland pitchers

Sure, it's just three pinheads, but that's a large portion of my search traffic. (I'm not rolling in link-love, you know. My TTLB stats will prove that.) It's just shy of 20% of all searches that end up at my pathetic blog... I'd be willing to bet that sites with more traffic see an equal amount of atrocious excuses for spelling. Any takers on that?
Now it could just be that a lot of people can't spell "Picture," but my one blog is too small to make an accurate sample and it's dependant on whatever Cro-Magnons Google brings here.

To further illustrate the magnitue of illiteracy, I'll point out that it equaled the number of mucus-related searches I had. For the life of me, I can't fathom why I'm such a (relatively) popular site for snot talk. I mean, sure, I had the one post last winter about orange snot... which, yes, was pretty damn weird - but I still get booger searches a year later.

You might think each search is fake, but it' snot:
03-Nov-2005 14:05 Google q=white phlegm
04-Nov-2005 14:06 Google q="coughing up white chunks"
16-Nov-2005 16:02 Google q=coughing green chunks

The second guy even put it in quotes. How fucked up is that?

As long as we're talking about searches, I might as well share the "Just Fucking Weird" ones with you guys too:
26-Oct-2005 10:51 MSN q=puffly sweet
03-Nov-2005 00:43 Yahoo p=Gilbert Gottfried next stop subway
05-Nov-2005 12:42 Google q=george lizzong

My searches are all well and good, of course, but history tells us that Rachel will have a better one in the new future. I'm not even going to do the customary Insta-update about it this time... I'm just telling you to go over there and see for yourself. Odds are she's getting sicker search strings than me right now.
Previous Search String Inanity:
Zen Blogging
Misspelling Bee
Boobies for the Frog Brothers
Phlegm Redux
The Mystery of Soul Bitches

Update: As long as we're talking about Google in the verb sense, the inestimable Mr.Preston of JunkYard Blog has been on the forefront of pushing back against historical revisionism about Iraq. While Bush's Veteran's Day speech was a thorough and detailed account of how full of horseshit the Democratic party is regarding pre-war intelligence, it didn't include a catchy soundbyte. Enter the JYB, with the incredibly simple Google "Clinton, Iraq, 1998" meme.
Ted Kennedy can spew forth verbal diarrhea all day long, but Bryan's got three-and-a-half million hits that say Senator Chappaquiddick is lying.


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