Chali Zapata, persona non grata

Some of the blogs I read have a standing report on their search strings. Others just post up whatever crazy-ass shit comes down the pike. Both are valid and entertaining ways of pointing out the insane fuckers on the internet and laughing at them.

I prefer a more zen method, rather akin to Zen Driving. I wait until the internet tells me it's time to post. As it should so happen, (or else this would be a pretty fucking pointless post) today is that time.

Starting with the impetus for today's sharathon:
http://blogsearch.google.com/blogsearch? "tamales"
Tamales? How in the hell my blog popped up for tamales I have no idea. If it was Hot Tamales, I could understand... I used to eat the hell out of those things in junior high. I lean more towards Mike & Ike's now.
I have family in San Antonio that live down the street from a run-down little shack on the side of the road. Within that shanty are made quite possibly the best tamales on earth... in true Texan fashion, they'd get 4 or 5 dozen of those tamales and invite the entire family over every X-Mas. My aunt would also have enough cookies baked to feed a small army... none of that, however, should propel my blog to the top of anyone's list of tamale sites.

I've also had a couple hits for Eddie Steeples, as usual. I've plugged the Steeplechaser blog in the past, and am long overdue for a mention of "My Name Is Earl," the Jason Lee show that features Eddie in the soon-to-be-Emmy-nominated role of Crabman.
Let me rectify that by saying unequivocally that I absolutely love the show. I'd wait for the commercial break to pull off a dog gnawing on my leg, it's so good. How can anyone deny the awesomeness of a show that professes the following:

"Never underestimate the power of confidence. And never underestimate fifteen beers, a little enlightenment, and the power of Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock."

The usual webcomic hits abound as well, with my personal Jesus, Banjo the Clown, leading the pack. I'd have a fine collection of Banjo merchandise if it didn't come from those cheapass whores at Cafepress... but don't let that stop you guys from shelling out a couple bucks.

The discerning reader will be expecting the usual mention of phlegm, spittle, and other mucus-related byproducts. You shall not be let down, good sirs, for I bring unto you:
http://www.google.com/search? "phlegm spit"
Note that in most western countries, this category doesn't include bolus. If you read from the Pacific Rim or Antarctica, your mileage may vary.


Rounding out the highlights of the past month or so, comes another prizewinning masterpiece of spelling errors:
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx? "real government alien pitchers"
Zen Blogging would have me immediately post that, but as it came directly on the heels of the "Dodge Turks" (and likely because of it) I deferred. After all, it's just the fucking universe... what the hell does it know?

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Insta-Update: Naturally Rachel has to go make my searches look sad and pitiful by comparison. Damn you Rachel, for having much sicker readers than me! (How do you manage to know exactly when the Cosmos wants me to post, and pull out something far more revolting?)

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Previous search string inanity:
Misspelling Bee
Boobies for the Frog Brothers
Phlegm Redux
The Mystery of Soul Bitches