Somebody's Broken Heart And A Washed-Out Dream

Things I learned while watching ~15 seconds of the Michael Jackson "Memorial."

• People are stupid
  
• Jermaine Jackson is still alive
  
• People are stupid
  
• Although Michael Jackson did not invent dance fighting, he refined it into the potent martial art it is today - much like Bruce Lee did with Jeet Kune Do.
  
• People are stupid
  
• The whole thing would have been much more interesting if during the performance of Thriller, Mike's corpse rose from the casket, started dancing along with the cast, then proceeded to eat everyone's brains.
  
  • Bonus fact - this particular scenario is equally plausible if Michael is still alive.
• People - as I may have mentioned - are stupid
  
• The word "Shamon" is much like the word "Smurf." Just insert it into any conversation as needed.
  
• People are so very, very stupid.

O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife

Mr. T and I pity the foo' who don't love America.

Don't fall, just be who you are

So yeah, I'm a cold callous blogger. I missed blogging on a couple of important days recently. OK, so I've missed blogging on a LOT of days recently, but these were like actual for-real important.

First and foremost, I let Flag Day go by without a shout out. Not only to the flag, of course, but to my blog-homey Rachy. Four years ago, she stumbled across my whimsical post about shenanigans of Flag Days long past, and introduced me to what I previously thought impossible: a mind more twisted than my own.
You're awesome, Rachy. Keep it up.

Also, Father's Day was this past weekend. While that's not nearly as important for me as Flag Day is, it did get me to thinking... What do kids of lesbian parents do for Father's Day? Do they ignore it, do they have special rituals like Jews on Christmas? (though I don't see movies and Chinese food really saying "Lesbian Father's Day," do you?) Do they get the really butch mom a card? What?

Anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't around to disturb you guys on the appropriate days. I'm sure you'll forgive me in the fullness of time.

Black Markers Written On Walls, I'm Standing So Tall

Oh yeah. If you feel like taking a ride on the Poisson Distribution, you can see if I ever bother to actually Twit any of my shit by looking me up here:

http://twitter.com/StewedHamm

Maybe he went to get a British flag

Hullo there, intertubes. Nice to see you're all still here waiting for me. (and still not at all like a truck - not one little bit)

So anyway, I've been following the riots in Iran with more than a little concern. Concern enough to actually sling something up onto the blog here - so that's really saying something right there. Anyway, I'm reading what news updates I can courtesy of the BBC, at least until the Ayatollah (not the one of rock-n-roll-a, but the one of chocking-on-Satan's-dick... ola.) banned all journalists from covering stories.

There's a lot things happening in Tehran recently that remind me of the bad old days of Communism in Europe and Asia. Solidarity demonstrations in Poland, Democracy riots in Vilnius, and with the onset of violence now, Tienanmen Square. Fortunately, though, we're living in a new age of communication, and the world is not dependent on crusty old bastards dragging their soggyassed corpses out "on location" to spoon-feed the world their political spin on what's happening in various corners of Earth. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Christiane Amanpour) Unlike in Beijing, when the June 4 Demonstrators briefly paused from running for their lives to beg the media "Tell the world what happened here; tell them our story!" The Iranian demonstrations are being broadcast chiefly by Twitter and Facebook.

Also unlike Beijing, when the Chi Com leaderships didn't know what to do about Western media airing their dirty laundry, the Ayatollah of Choking on Satan's Dick-ola has his thugs sniffing around the interwebs looking for Twitter and Facebook users located in Iran. So in order to make the toothless camel-molesting thugs' job a little bit harder, I've become a Twitter Shitter. A Twitter Shitter based in Tehran, Iran... at least according to my profile.

And now we come to the part of the post where I make a personal appeal. Because what's the point of one additional lameass on the 'tubes? I'm not a guy standing in front of a tank column here... I'm not even causing posh Italian people to make their scooters swerve a bit while they speed by saying "Ciao!" But people actually listen to some of you people... so were you to digitally relocate yourself to Tehran, they might do so as well. And then we're really talking about something happening here.

Because right now, the Iranian people rioting in the streets - not just over the bogus elections (Seriously, how valid is a balloting between only the candidates that Mullah COSD-ola approves?) but the entire bogus governmental system - have one thing in their favor: numbers. They had fear, but that's slowly dissipated as the Regime's reactions show. so all that's left is their superior numbers... against the Regime's guns. And numbers versus guns isn't a game you want to play on the losing side of.

Nor do you want anyone else to have to play it either.

We'll dance by the light of the moon

Looks like our friend Ozark Hill Woman, who incidentally, has an Oh So Political blog made the trek up to Cincinnati for the weekend's Tea Party protest. Though she may deny it, the astute folks at Virtuous Republic managed to snap a picture of the elusive Hill Woman. h/t Michelle Malkin.

My, you're awfully young to be so politically cynical, OHW. Good luck with the whole pony thing, though.

Our mum, she's so house-proud

Our good friend (and champion blogger) Mrs. Hillbilly Mom recently wrote about her woes of paying the taxman. Apparently she's not renting enough, or something. Now, I am anything, if not helpful, so I thought I'd publicly offer Mrs. HM some free advice... like "news you can use," or something:

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom can go live in a cave.

I mean that in the nicest sense, of course. These folks out in Festus built their home in a cave, so why not Mrs. Hillbilly Mom? At one point the intrepid cave-dwellers were trying to sell the home on eBay, because apparently they were targeted by a predatory lender, or sabre-toothed tiger, or something. The story is unclear on the precise details, but I suspect mastodons may also be involved somehow.

You be the judge:

Fine country livin'

Anyway, I bet that tucked away in the Spendulus bill, a clever accountant can find an earmark or two for cave-folk. Hell, they've got money for Neanderthals like AmTrack and Chrysler, why not money for people living like actual Neanderthals?

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom could build her cave home a good sight cheaper than the visionaries in Festus, what with already employing an experienced home MiniMansion builder. This thing was built out of dozens of sliding glass doors and spare plywood, and Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has told us all about the plethora of unused auto glass (and autos) she has lying about. I'm sure there are plenty of spare power tools to be found in Hillmomba, lying out in the road, even! She even has the land... once the corpses are cleared out of her sinkholes, that is. It sounds practically shovel-ready, don't you think?

Once the "Spelunker's Biltmore" is built, I've also thought of a foolproof way to see it increase in value. Aside from their current projects of raising chickens and "free" potbellied pigs, naturally. All Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has to do is give the Pony a big box of crayons and tell him to go crazy on the walls. It'll be like Lascaux, only better, because it won't smell like moldy old French dudes, or stinky cheese... theoretically, at least.