Sunday, November 13, 2005

'Cause I don't have to work, I just have to jiggle

I got an email from a reader today. Shocking, isn't it? Actually, that's not the most surprising part. In addition to wanting to know whether or not I was dead (like I should be ahead of Di on anyone's Blogger Dead Pool) I was also asked why I didn't have a post up for Veteran's Day... after all, I had such a great story for Flag Day.
Rather than just fire off a quick "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on," I figured I'd share my reasoning with the world. Also, it's been a couple days since my last post, and Sean Penn has been pretty quiet lately.

OK, the short answer to why I skipped Vet's day, is of course, "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on." (The short, short version naturally, is "Dude, WTF?") The longer version takes a bit more 'splaining, but I'll give it a whirl.

Look, I've got nothing against animals or anything. In fact, I've been a pet owner for most of my life. Dogs, cats, rabbits, hell even a turtle and a chicken for a while (though not at the same time... that would have been kindof fucked up.) I've had most of your common household domesticated animals dwell with me at one point or another. So, please understand that while I love the little buggers and wish them the best of health, I have absolutely no clue as to why people go and get their panties in a twist over Vets. Sure, they're helpful and all if Mr. Snugglekins is puking up a kidney, but do they deserve their own day over it? Much less a J.C. Penney's White Sale Day day?

As my grandfather used to say: Not "No," but "Hell No!"

Oh, and also, that lady that played the vet in Turner & Hooch looks kind of scary. Like "don't meet up with her in a dark alley or carpet-covered furniture tree" kind of scary. (She's also been in a fuckton of TV movies, according to IMDB, but the Thornbirds was pretty good, so I'm not sure - scientifically speaking - how that balances out. This is a pretty long parenthetical aside, don't you think?)

Look, if you've read this far, you obviously think Dr. Doolittle deserves his own day. I, on the other hand, think that's a load of horseshit... which brings us full-circle to fucking your vehicle of choice.

Also, I'm right, and you're not.

Previous posts about days that coincide with linen sales:
Ooh, I'm Gonna Tell Your Dog Food Eatin' Mama
Thank You, Right-Wing Religious Extremists!
Respect My Authoritah
I Pity The Fool's Mother
I'm Not Going To Hell For Making Up A Funny Name For This Post
Giving Caesar The Finger
One Potato With A Side Of Beer, Please
That's Some Great Steak, Co-nan!
Kill a Tree for The Late J. C.


Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Figures that as soon as I call her out for not updating in like 3 weeks, Di's gone and posted something last night. You're making me look bad here, Di. Although, unlike the Cowboy's former field goal misser Jose Whatshisface, I can look bad and stay employed.


Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

4:50 AM, November 13, 2005  

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