Parallel with the scene tarnished star evergreen

Dear Jerry Jones:

Are you fucking KIDDING ME? We need some hardworking serious offensive talent to replace Keyshawn "Just Give Me The Damn Pinkslip" Johnson... and you go and sign This Asshole?

Look Jerry, I hate to ask this, but it's the only possible explanation I can come up with... but were you out of the country on September 24, 2000? I know I sure wasn't, and neither were a shitload of other extremely pissed-off Texans - but that's the only reason I can envision for this colossal "fuck you" to the good people of Dallas, USA. I mean really, are you actively trying to get yourself lynched or what? Never mind how the circus sideshow you've just imported will distract from the search to find a replacement for the incomparable Dat Nguyen, who was officially placed on the retired list earlier this month... or any of the other very real problems on the depth chart.

Seriously Jerry, we need to hire Terrell and his freight train full of baggage about as much as the TSA needs to hire Barry Switzer. Who's next up for a job interview, Jerry - Straight Cash Homey?

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P.S. I'm back like a heart attack, guys. I don't know what it says about me that I let the cartoon jihad, Danish boycott, Taliban Yalie, and dozens of other important stories slide... but Terrell Owens in the house that Landry built pisses me off enough to slough off my apathy. I suppose "Don't mess with Texas" covers it pretty well though.

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Previous Epistles From the House That Landry Built:
I'm Totally Here To Start Some Trouble
Sometimes You Kick, Sometimes You Get Kicked
Finnabis
Straight Cash Homey

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Previous Open Letters:
Sometimes You Kick, Sometimes You Get Kicked
Vance Petrol, ASPCA