Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Shut off the ganja and control the juice

Today, I'm presented with an opportunity to indulge in one of my favorite pasttimes: making fun of stupid atheletes. Today's sonnet to my core constituency comes courtesy of the USA Toady and Mr. Ricky Williams.

So Reefer Williams thinks he's ready to be in the NFL again, huh? At least, that's how he feels now that he's been declared in breach of contract and owes the Fins $8.6 million. Sure, he says he's in it for the long haul... but we've heard that before, haven't we?
To his credit, Bob Marley's less talented cousin didn't duck hard questions in his press conference at all. He came out and faced reporters like a man, offering an apology that actually contained the word "apology," unlike some weasels I could mention. Unfortunately, that's about all he did right.

"I realize by making that decision I affected the team in a negative way, that I upset a lot of the fans, (and) I'm very regretful of that," Williams told dozens of reporters after the team's morning practice. "People were hurt in the process of me doing that ... so I do offer an apology to all the people who were negatively affected."

When asked for clarification on his drug habit, The Rick's year-long study of philosophy and bong resin gave him the introspection to utter this brilliant observation:

"I think I had a problem with some of the rules," he said. "And just looking at the life, I wasn't very comfortable with it and I decided to walk away."
A problem with some rules? No shit. You really think so? He continued, saying:

"Before I left, I had a different concept of what freedom was," Williams said. "I thought freedom was to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. And being away and having a chance to learn a lot about myself, I realized that freedom is having the strength to be in any situation and be content with that situation."

Nice job Rick. Way to be a fucking role model and stuff. You're a real hero, man.
I hope your cowardly ass enjoyed it's year of "freedom" or whatever the hell you call it, but now you're back in the real world where smoking pot is illegal, and you're going to be out of a job if you do it again.
But is he concerned?

"Any talking that I do ... is for naught, really, because ... the people's minds are going to be made up when they see me on the field. That's this business. When I produce, then all this stuff goes away. But until then, I have to deal with it."

Don't count on it, Rick. Ask Darryl Strawberry how that's working out for him.
The fans know you're just in it because you don't have a choice. We see exactly what you're shoveling.

One wonders what the 'Fins new coach Nick Saban has to say about all this?

Concerning marijuana, Saban indicated the subject has been addressed sufficiently.

"I'm hopeful that his moral compass will be what it needs to be to be able to have success and function effectively in this league," he said. "He's the guy that is going to suffer the consequences if he can't do that. I think he understands that."

Sorry Nick, wrong answer. "I know he's a fucking pothead, but he's the only hope we've got this year." would have been more honest. Furthermore, Flakey's not the only guy who's going to "suffer the consequences" when he fucks up again. When Flakey goes down, he's taking everyone else on the team, and every Dolphin fan in the country with him.

It's only a question of when.

Disclaimer: No, I don't have some sort of vendetta against Williams. In fact, I really enjoyed watching him play at UT and kicking ass up and down the field for 4 years... however, since he left college, he's been a contagious train wreck.
For those of you studying for SAT's, look at it this way - Ricky Williams : Football :: Carrot Top : Movies.


Anonymous Rachel from the land of Oz said...

I'm sure you're already aware that people who apologise only after they have been caught really piss me off, like cheatin' Jude Law and former-actress welfare fraudettes... but oh, people will only condemn them unless they have nothing to lose... can't get rid of someone if it means we might lose again, that would almost be sportsmanlike wouldn't it?!

If you feel like having a go at another stupid sportsperson please feel free to put Australia's Shane Warne on your radar! I think he's a total wanker

1:36 AM, July 31, 2005  

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