Monday, September 26, 2005

All the other Slim Shadys are just imitating

Cincinnati has experienced a recent crime wave. No, I'm not referring to another entry in the ever-present saga of police shooting african-americans, I'm referring to the theft of the Cincinnati Bengals.

It's the only explanation I can offer for why the perpetual cellar-dwelling Bungles are now 3-0. Someone stole the shitty version of the team, and left us Bungles 2.0 in their stead. I'm so shocked, I may just break out with a little Ickey Shuffle. Or at least break out some microwave pot roast in honor of Ickey's second career.

Yesterday, the Bungles defense made Chicago into their bitches, intercepting five passes off of QB Kyle Orton. Even more amazing, is that this is the second game in a row they've hauled in 5 picks - a feat not seen in 34 years.
At least the Bungles2.0 kept up the team tradition of ending the game in the first quarter. Their first quarter tally of 10 points was enough to top da Bears, who only managed 7 in the entire game. You'll no doubt recall in the old days the game also ended in the first quarter... when the opposing team stepped onto the field. Ha! I'm the Boomer Esiason of funny!


In totally unrelated news, yet still funny, the front page of the USA Toady has the quote of the day.

In a nation with a rich history of earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, blizzards, volcanoes and terrorist attacks, there are more potential disasters than can be planned or prepared for.

“You don't have the resources to childproof the entire country,” Friedman said.

That's George Friedman, the Chairman of Stratfor, bitch-slapping all the whiny lefties just looking for any reason to complain about storm hassles. I'll wager he didn't have to ride in a car seat until age 10...

Previous Gridiron Griping:
A Letter To My Homeskizzles In Big D


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