Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Wait a minute Mr. Postman

An open letter to Vin Diesel:

Dear Vin (can I call you Vin? ... Well then how about "V-Dawg?")
First off, congratulations on making a fuckton of money in Hollywood, despite playing a hell of a lot of D&D in high school. I'm sure you're a large factor behind the drop in dork suicide rates, so kudos to you. Secondly, thanks for re-making Mr. Nanny. It helps the previously suicidal dorks feel superior to you, and that makes shallow people's lives worth living... I guess.

Seriously though, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, MAN?? Even dog shit won't go near this new craptacular you're in, it stinks so bad. Did you learn nothing from the Hulkster's example? The best you'll do after this is a Knight Rider ripoff where you'll call everyone "brother."

Good luck in B-list mediocrity Vin - I mean V-Dawg. Say hi to The Coreys for me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clearly, you're forgetting Gary the duck. Sure, he's no Howard, but you have to admit, "Gary" is a sweet name for a pet... especially a duck-type pet.

However, If it were up to me, I'd have to go with "Karl."

-Vance Petrol

2:13 AM, February 17, 2005  

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