I was there to match my intellect on national TV

Attention grammar police: Be not afraid. Unto you a saviour is born!

Now you can critize the ignorance of others with impunity! You can engender abject hatred upon your person by rattling off obscure facts about tomatoes, bananas, and split infinitives. You can even use a semicolon for a shiv when some punk doubts your knowledge of octopodes.
You might even win a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni (the San Fransisco treat!) or perhaps a case of Turtle Wax. Well, maybe not YOU you, but someone who doesn't need the internet to know all this stuff. So while you guys are out playing your fooseball, I'll be right here studying.

Ken Jennings, your ass is mine.