Drop your bombs between the minarets down the casbah way

I'll be the first to admit I'm stunned by the lack of a massive bombing campaign on the anniversary of the death of Hamas' founder and spiritual leader. His name, Ahmed Yassin, isn't that well known in America, so perhaps you might recognize him as...

Saruman the White.

For such a celebrity, the anniversary got little to no media coverage... which is strange, considering how much they love to cover freaks who live alone in fortress-like compounds. Too bad about all those ents destroying his amusement park rides.

All is not lost though. Fans of violence and double-standards alike can rejoice in the completely unbiased coverage of the Hamas pep rally that marked the occasion. Let's take this piece by piece, shall we?

Thousands of Hamas supporters rallied in Gaza

Thousands? After Hamas was able to round up an estimated 100,000 people in Lebanon alone to "demonstrate" their love of being a Syrian puppet, the best they can do for themselves is about 7,000? (according to VOA) Sounds like not everyone's going to make the seventh inning stretch there, guys.

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An Israeli attack helicopter fired three missiles directly at him. The quadriplegic Yassin was in his wheelchair when he and another eight Palestinians were killed near the mosque.

Yes, because Israel makes a habit of picking random old men rolling down the street on their Rascal Scooters and blowing the holy fuckall out of them with missiles... How about you mention the part where he was in a heavily-armed convoy of vehicles, please? Most of the other people killed were bodyguards... and apparently not ones from a good temp agency.

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[Current Hamas leader Mahmoud Al-Zahar] told reporters at the rally that Israel has not yet positively responded to demands of releasing prisoners and withdrawing from Palestinian cities.

Well that's a typical demand, right? Let some low-level guys out of jail, and pull back so we can all cool off for a while. Sounds reasonable to me... but wait, let's see what he really means in the next paragraph.

"Our demands are very clear. The gradual release of all prisoners from Israeli jails, the withdrawal from all the areas that Israel occupied at the beginning of the intifada and an end to all its security measures,"

You read that right. All prisoners from Israeli jails. All of them. Because it's all the Zionist oppressors fault that every single person in an Israeli jail is locked up tonight... it has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that they committed crimes.

And the pre-intifada borders? Al-Zahar is of course talking about the intifada that started in 1947, so no, I don't see Israel going along with that one. Now, I'm no political insider here, but I'm betting there's not much Knesset support for the "drive the Jews into the sea" movement.

If that wasn't enough, he wants Israel to end all its security measures... because you know, there's no need to have any kind security when your neighbors are constantly trying to kill you. Geez, what a bunch of reactionaries those Israelis are.

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My favorite part though is this:

Al-Zahar said he doubted that the meeting due to be held in Cairo Tuesday would produce a truce with Israel "as long as Israel is still adopting the same policy."

Those Jews and their pesky "don't get blown up" policies. What a bunch of jerks, eh?

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Last but not least this bit from the middle of the article, just for laughs.

"My father didn't die; he is living inside me and inside every Palestinian.

To paraphrase Jack Handey, I hope he likes enchiladas -- because that's what he's getting!

In other news, it's a freakin Wisconsin-palooza in the Sweet Sixteen... just like I predicted. w00t!