He ordered a pint and got lost in the crowd

Happy St. Paddy's Day, America.
Drink up while you still can... your taxes are due in less than a month!

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

So I was thinking today that if I'm not mistaken, the Little Drummer Boy was the first "child star" in history. (For a certain value of "history," at any rate)

I wonder if he ended up a bitter alcoholic like all the rest of those poor, poor bastards who've followed in his footsteps...

You just keep on trying till you run out of cake

So hey there everyone...

How 'bout them Cowboys, eh? Holy crap, I go away for a couple months and Dallas decides to do a revival of the early 80s. But they looked good against the Giants last week, so there's hope yet. We'll see how they do today.

What's that? Where the fuck have I been, you ask? Well, the first version of the answer is "none of your fucking business, so get back in your car and drive through, please!" but the real version is that I've been doing a little traveling, and getting my life in order. No, I'm not a fucking hippie all of a sudden... give me a little credit here, please. I'm making some changes in my life, and not all of them are stuff that I'm cool with blogging about just yet. No worries there.

Anyway, you can consider this my bi-monthly "yep, Stew's still alive" post. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone - or if you're not actually able to celebrate on Thursday, have a great Fakesgiving.

Go to the top of your highest mountain!

So it's Independence Day again. Happy 234th birthday, America!

First off, while I've always loved this holiday - pool parties, homemade ice cream, fireworks and parades - it really is a great time for kids. Now with the formalities out of the way, lemme get right in to what I came here to bitch about tonight:

What I can't stand, is the damn redneck yahoos that insist on shooting off fireworks all fucking night. You know, I'm glad that us Colonists defeated Britian - hell, if we hadn't pulled it off, I'd be speaking English today! Still and all, you know there's kids trying to sleep, and people that have to go to work in the morning.

But hell, don't let that stand in the way of you blowing shit up at 3 am. No, no, no keep it up. You know, why don't I go get my Mossberg and show you assholes some real fireworks?

Happy Independence Day to the rest of you.

One for each night, they shed a sweet Light

Happy Hanukkah to the tribe. Or, for those of you of Hispanic descent: Happy Chicanokah.

For my drunkard friends in the Southern Hemisphere (I'm quite certain you know who you are) don't think for one moment that you're forgotten. I've found the perfect menorah for you to celebrate the Festival of Lights - which I'm told is not the same as the Festival of Getting Lit.

So anyway, that's my quota of cheerful holiday messages for this year. Happy Hanukkah to the Jews, and Happy frantic weekend of shopping to the Christians.

Don't fall, just be who you are

So yeah, I'm a cold callous blogger. I missed blogging on a couple of important days recently. OK, so I've missed blogging on a LOT of days recently, but these were like actual for-real important.

First and foremost, I let Flag Day go by without a shout out. Not only to the flag, of course, but to my blog-homey Rachy. Four years ago, she stumbled across my whimsical post about shenanigans of Flag Days long past, and introduced me to what I previously thought impossible: a mind more twisted than my own.
You're awesome, Rachy. Keep it up.

Also, Father's Day was this past weekend. While that's not nearly as important for me as Flag Day is, it did get me to thinking... What do kids of lesbian parents do for Father's Day? Do they ignore it, do they have special rituals like Jews on Christmas? (though I don't see movies and Chinese food really saying "Lesbian Father's Day," do you?) Do they get the really butch mom a card? What?

Anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't around to disturb you guys on the appropriate days. I'm sure you'll forgive me in the fullness of time.