Monday, December 24, 2007

Eeverything you love becomes everything you hate

So it's the "holiday" season, (even though Hanukkah ended almost three weeks ago we all know that "holiday" is just code for "I want to say 'Christmas' without getting sued") and it's tempting to put together a thoughtful and stirring appeal to mankind's better nature, and to stop treating each other like shit the other 364.25 (or 357.25 for the Jooooos) days of the year. Yeah, well that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee... unless you're one of those whores who goes to Starbucks where hot water run through some ground-up beans magically costs $8.

Regardless, I got nothing. If you really must have that feeling, then go watch the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, because everyone else's "special holiday message" is just a cheap ass Linus imitation. Well, everyone else except New Zealand. (h/t to Purple Avenger, blogging at Ace's)

Leave it to those kiwi-fucking hobbit-wannabes to really celebrate the shit out of Christmas... No wonder kids are scared of the fat fucker. I would be too if all of a sudden Kris Kringle went all "Futurama" on me.

You'd better watch out... if you know what's good for you!

Anyway, happy "holidays" to all my reader(s).

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

As the power surges and my right foot urges

Relax everyone, I'm not dead.

-- crickets chirping --

Aaaaaanyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that if you happen to be traveling in Europe over the holidays, be sure to pick up the newly released remake of The French Connection. It stars Formula 1 legend, Michael Schumacher as a hard-boiled... no wait. That's not it at all - in truth, it's much, much better.

BERLIN (AFP) - Michael Schumacher may well be the fastest taxi driver in Germany after the seven-times world champion shocked a cab driver by taking over the wheel in order to be on time for a flight. When the former Formula One ace, plus his wife and two children, caught a taxi back to the airport, they were short on time and, after a polite request, cab driver Tuncer Yilmaz watched in wonder as Schumacher took the wheel.

"I found myself in the passenger seat, which was strange enough, but to have "Schumi" behind the wheel of my cab was incredible," Mr Yilmaz told the Muenchner Abendzeitung. "He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places."

The German track ace, who now lives in Switzerland, retired from Formula One in 2006 after a glittering career and, despite test drives for his old team Ferrari, has insisted there is no chance of a return to racing.
Nope, screw racing on a track where everyone can see it coming. "Schumi's" going to adopt the full-time "Random Encounter Table" form of racing.

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