Some people use the front door, but that's never been my way

In the lobby of the building I work in, the restrooms are kept pretty damn-near immaculate. It's a prestige thing, so that anyone who drops by to drain the lizard is impressed with the professionalism of the place, and how fucking classy we all are because we work here. (This impression, by the way, lasts precisely up to the point where they meet me.)
Now, I'm an ordinary guy. Middle-class upbringing - but I had parents who respected quality, so there were occasional touches of the best parts of life: (materially speaking, anyway) The few vacations we took were Quality vacations. My dad only bought top of the line tools. That sort of thing... so anyway, I can spot true quality that sticks out amongst things that merely pretend to be quality.

The company bathrooms have this situation in reverse. I dunno if the Virgin Mary would come down and take a dump there, but she'd probably stop by to wash her hands. Amidst all the otherworldly splendor and opulence are the gayest soap dispensers known to man. To reiterate, for those of you on dial-up:

Gayest. Soap. Ever.

Look, we get that it's supposed to look nice. Intimidating, even. You've succeeded beyond your wildest dreams... except for the part where you have a $6 pump-bottle of "White Tea & Aloe Vera" liquid soap with the TJ Maxx price tag still attached.

Seriously, it's like a cat turd in the Sistine Chapel.