Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

From the "Who, me?" Files:

Rafael Palmeiro, who sat before a congressional subcommittee five months ago and told lawmakers point-blank, “I have never used steroids. Period,” has been caught using steroids.

You don’t have to be the Amazing Kreskin, or even Karnak, to guess what Palmeiro is probably going to say. It will be something about taking a supplement that he bought at a nutrition center, and how was he to know it had steroids in it? In other words, it was an accident.

Personally, I think it'll be something along the lines of "Hey, I was just minding my business in the locker room and Canseco busts in with a jambox and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Halfway through the party, he starts jabbing everyone in the ass with something, and I went along because of peer pressure. I didn't know what was in it, of course."

If he wanted to be ballsy, he could try the patented Sammy Sosa "Me no speak-a." Given that Palmiero's a spokesman for Viagra, it's a definite possibility.

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Update: Damn, I'm updating before I've even finished typing the frickin post already.
Looks like another 10-day suspension was handed down yesterday. Ryan Franklin of the Mariners tested positive for steriods in May, but claims he had a negative test three weeks later. Allegedly he was taking store-bought supplements, (which is fucking stupid for a professional athelete to be doing. Get the team doctor or trainer to get you something legal, dumbass.) and quit them immediately upon being informed of his positive test.
It's possible he's got a case here, since he was possibly unaware of the contents of his supplements. Stupid, but possibly innocent, unlike Mr. "I've never taken steriods period. Never ever ever ever. Pass me that syringe, Jose."

4 Comments:

Anonymous Rachel from the land of Oz said...

that's like when the Australian cricketer Shane Warne got suspended for one year for taking a banned substance. He claimed total ignorance saying "oh me Mum gave it to me". It was a freaking diuretic.

7:46 PM, August 03, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was the banned substance No-Doz? Sheesh...people think baseball games take forever. I've had vacations shorter than a cricket match. Still, it looks like it'd be fun to play, if only until the first tea break or 3 overs or 150 runs or 6 chukkers, whichever comes first.

Sincerely,
Santos-McGarry Campaign Headquarters and Wicketkeeper Training School

2:41 PM, August 04, 2005  
Blogger Hamel said...

I'm so sick of all the drugs in all the sports, I say we ban every SOB and make 'em pass test before we let them play the game again. You think the owners and players would then get on the ball?

Heck, you could do the tests during a cricket match and not have the game take any longer. How's that for a sticky wicket? (I've always wanted to say that.)

5:43 PM, August 06, 2005  
Anonymous Rachel from the land of Oz said...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport3/cwc2003/hi/newsid_2780000/newsid_2789400/2789461.stm

this article about Shane Warne is a pretty good overview of the situation

And Anonymous, the substance was not No-Doz it was a diuretic. And as the bright spark Shane Warne said,

"The tablet I took on the 21 January was a fluid tablet, I did not know it was a diuretic. I knew it as a fluid tablet."

Apparently the poor guy didn't realise the difference between a diuretic and a fluid tablet. God, some people really do suck at life

2:00 AM, August 07, 2005  

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