Monday, November 29, 2004

You make me sick, Way-oh Way-oh Way-oh

For the last week, I've been slowly coughing up an entire lung. Not a normal, healthy lung mind you, but a tormented diseased creation from some evil genious' laboratory. Of course, that goes without saying, since a normal healthy lung would stay its ass inside my chest cavity where it belongs...

Other than the occasional meandering sentence, all that ever seems to issue forth from my mouth is thick green chunks of mucus. Chunks. As in solid pieces. Crystallized, even - Put them on a novelty ring and sell them in a vending machine.
I'm Phlegmmy McPhlegmmerson over here.

Now, I understand that many loyal readers will be concerned for my health, since those quacks over at the county health clinic won't stop running around screaming about old ladies getting their flu shots long enough to talk to me.
Either that, or you're rooting for me to finally kack off and stop Bogarting the bandwidth my blog takes up.

However you consider it good or not, I'm on the mend today. What was once forest green is now mostly clear, with little pea-sized, pea-colored, phlegm peas. (OK, so that description of my current phlegm status probably wasn't necessary, but then neither was this.) The downside is that it's accompanied by LOTS of coughing, since my body - for whatever reason - isn't fond of snot-goblins hanging around my bronchial tubes.
Ugh, I absolutely HATE coughing. Mostly because my body really seems to get into it.
I can hear my diaphragm saying "Ok, guys, we're going to cough the SHIT out of this one! Ready? One - two - three - make his stomach come out his mouth!"

My body hates me. Seriously. I cough so hard, my vision goes dim and I see stars. The only other time I can recall that happening is on the Batman ride at Great America. (a fucking awesome coaster, by the way. I highly reccomend it.) Why do you think I even have all this phlegm in the first place?

Man, I should have a link for Batman up there... too much crazy shit on the net not to. All the coughy-cough makes it a pain to search out a good one, though. Anyone wanna throw me a bone?


Blogger Dew said...

And OMG:

Feel better soon. That's an order. Don't make me come kick your ass, in your weakened condition.

1:20 AM, December 01, 2004  

Post a Comment

<< Home