Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Do not wish upon the well, how ripe and sweet the fruit

I've been holding onto this one for a week, not wanting to have the blog degenerate into a tirade against stupid people after my election "coverage." Regardless, it seems that I do this sort of thing well, so expect more of it in the future.

From the Big Dumb Sheep files: (as I've decided refer to all posts regarding mass stupidity)
USA Toady (sic) reported on Nov 2nd about an Alabama toddler that fell into an abandoned well while playing with his siblings. However, instead of being a warm touching Jessica McClure-y type story, the kid was rescued in just 13 hours, forever denying him the chance at being featured in fake porn sites and mediocre Beau Bridges movies.

While I wouldn't wish tragedy on anyone, especially a little kid, when your parents name you Da'jour, you should know you're bound for a bumpy ride through life. Yes, you read that right: he's named "Da'jour."


Da fucking jour. As in "of the day." Naturally it's misspelled, since the kind of person who would have a Kid of the Day isn't likely to be a Rhodes Scholar. More and more, I think Denmark and Germany have the right idea on this issue. (yeah, I just said that. Fucking scary world, eh?) Though thier government name registries can be a little restrictive, (or a lot restrictive in Denmark's case) at the very least the world's best cookie makers recognize that there's some things you just can't name a kid.

Unfortunately, the online USA Toady article is an edited version of the one that originally saw print, which is where I found this tasty article. In the print version, immediately following the paragraph describing the 14-foot well as being "overgrown with grass" was the quote from firefighter Jimmy Brown.
The quote that said "Even the guy who cuts the grass didn't even know about it."
Well no shit. He might have clued into it though if he had bothered to... oh, I don't know... Cut the fucking grass!

Big. Dumb. Sheep.

By the way, how many kids do you have to pump out before you run out of names and just start calling them "Kid of the Day?"

Update - Found the print edition story on USA Toady's site. Not sure how long they archive these things, but here's the link if you're interested.


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