Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I like Ike! You like Ike! Everybody likes Ike!

So apparently, if you don't vote, P. Diddy is going to kill you. Well damn, Loquiesha. I think that's Puffy's Hummer down the block... I guess we've got to go out to the Piggly~Wiggly and whup up on some hanging chads!

And with that, we conclude the jocular portion of today's post. From now on, I'll be speaking to the many "urban" voters in my vast readership. (If there's one thing I know, it's my loyal fans... Hi Mom.)
The esteemed Mr. Diddy has a point here. Voting is serious business. I wouldn't say that it's potentially fatal, but it's important nonetheless. Unfortunately, that's about all he's got right. I've got another T-Shirt worthy slogan for you to consider:

Don't Vote, Dumbass.

If you truly believe, as P. pretends to, that voting is deathly important, you've already gotten off your duff and educated yourself on the issues and the candidates. If you haven't begun to form an opinion until now, don't delude yourself that you're going to be a pillar of the community by picking names on the ballot at random. If you won't do something as basic as voting until Puffy tells you to do it, then fuck, man... you don't belong anywhere near a voting booth.
Sure, you've probably figured out who you'll vote for in the presidential race. MTV or Forbes can drum their talking points into your skull well enough for the big show, sure. But what the hell do you know about your local races? Puffy isn't going to come down to Kansas and tell you who'll make the best Alderman or JP. They're not sexy-sounding jobs, but they hold a lot more influence over your daily life than Bush or Kerry will.

"Vote or Die" plays well on TV, but then P. Diddy doesn't have to live in the town you fucked up with your uninformed votes. If you want a real choice, then get a newspaper and find out what every candidate stands for.
Otherwise, you need to stay the hell home.

So there you go: My appeal to the death vote... Cue the balloon drop.


Blogger Dew said...

If I knew who you were, Stew, I'd make you a t-shirt on www.cafepress.com and send it right to you by next-day mail!

12:36 AM, November 12, 2004  

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