It's pudding time children.

Election night is upon us, and I have but one thing to say:

I wanna dip my balls in it!

For anyone who doesn't remember the early '90s, this might jog your memory:

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No more can they keep us in. Listen damn it, we will win

So...
A) I'm alive. Still.
and
B) Looks like Rick Santorum opened up a can of whoop-ass on Mittens in Iowa. At press time here in Hammistan, he's leading in Iowa. Granted, it's only by four - that's 4 - votes, but still... I'm suitably impressed with his performance, to be honest. He's made appearances in every county in Iowa, and at this point, probably qualifies for in-state tuition, should he develop an overwhelming urge to become a Hawkeye.
More so than that, the guy's got ... I dunno ... "pluck" sounds corny, but that's the best word that fits. He's been running an optimistic campaign when nobody's given him much of a chance, and even less credit. So my hat's off to Sen. Santorum for that.

Fox has a great county-by-county map that shows just how vast Santorum's support is throughout the state. It looks a lot like the election maps we see every four years, with vast swaths of red, and blue clusters where cities are.

That being said, Rick's screwed in New Hampshire - that's Mittens territory, with the bluebloods and RINOs. As long as he polls well enough to pace Herr Doktor Paul, he'll be in great shape for South Carolina.

As an aside, I have to say to my reader(s) that this shouldn't be taken as evidence that I'm returning to blogging. This may be a one-off, or this may mean something. Most likely, it's the former. I just don't have spare time sitting around in buckets that I can throw at a blog. My time's already pledged to a much more important project.

Happy New Year to everyone, especially you Iowans - you just might have kept yourself politically relevant for another 4 years. Way to go, corn pirates!

While you rid the world of your every sin

So... the election, eh? Yeah, I suppose I should say something or other about that.

Some states are red
Some states are blue
It doesn't really matter
Because we're all getting screwed.
(Burma Shave)

Or perhaps, you'd prefer the classy, haiku version:

Say, is this the line
for bread, or perhaps for gas?
Hooray for HopeChange!

Or is that somehow racist to bring up Soviet-style rationing lines?
These hipster douchebags don't seem to think so.



I'll grant you that they have a different opinion about them than I do. That's easy to do when you've never had to live through it. I hope that magic unicorn you voted for makes you feel good enough to last you the next four years, beatniks.

Almost crying underneath the vine

As I mentioned over at It's a Matter of Opinion, I'd like to offer my condolences to the nation of Australia. Look, you guys are generally all right, but there is something seriously wrong with an electorate when a douchenozzle like this is even considered to be a candidate for federal office:

Seriously, even though he was railroaded with that spelling bee thing, you never heard from Dan Quayle again, did you? It was soooo simple, you wallaby-rapists, but No! God help us all, you actually elected the dumbass. Were you all on those vodka IV drips from the hospital or something?