Sunday, October 18, 2009

My head, my head won't rely

I don't know about you, but I think I've been watching a bit too much Food Network. You see, the time has come once again to answer that age-old question: Who's been up too late watching re-runs?

This is: Iron. Blog. Hammistan!

A delectable Japanese tradition has taken root in Hammistani soil. We have been graced with our very own Blogging Stadium, where our lethargic and twisted Chairman has brought together the pungent flavors of Lame Humor and The 1980s. It is here, where the best of the only from around my living room meet and fact the ultimate challenge - the challenge of thinking of something to post.

We shall see if I, whom usually blogs from the comfort of my sofa can you face the torment of Blogging Stadium. Thus, let the battle BEGIN! But there is one more ingredient to this battle... our secret ingredient. The Theme on which our Iron Blogger will offer his succulent variations. Today's secret ingredient is...

BABIES!!


er... I mean,

HAIKU!


So now, Hammistan, with an open heart bypass, and a stomach full of limes, green soda, and God knows what else, I say unto you in something resembling the words of The Chairman: Allez Griffonner!


Mario Batali
Rolling out noodles
With orange Crocs and an orange beard
Dances with tuna




Cat Cora
Empress of Fusion
Magic with disp'rate flavors
Ouzo shots all around




Masaharu Morimoto
Our elder statesman
Knives fly and sushi is rolled
Gagged by voiceover




Bobby Flay
A smarmy jackass
Puts blue corn in everything
America's Iron Cook



(Not so fond of the Flay, am I?)

So as not to completely blow my wad on one gi-normous post, I'll save the rest of the Iron Haiku competition for later on this week. That way, I can loaf off for a couple days without feeling like a lazy sack of crap for neglecting the blog. You guys should be thankful that I'm so considerate, ya know.



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4 Comments:

Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Incidentally, I would LOVE to see the Chairman pull a practical joke on the crew, and have a couple of babies under his "Secret Ingredient" hood. And as he's gotten pregressively more emotive and "crazy-eyed" during his secret ingredient reveals, this would be the perfect bit.
What would make it epic is if Alton immediately jumped in and went on a spiel about how babies are an important culinary tradition, dating back to Jonathan Swift etc. etc.

Sigh. Television is SO much better in my mind.

1:05 AM, October 19, 2009  
Blogger DeadpanAnn said...

LOL @ your imagined Alton bit. I love Alton Brown.

I can't remember what I was going to comment before I read that.

I love haiku. Competitive cooking? No so much. The original Iron Chef was okay. The American version sucks.

11:28 PM, October 23, 2009  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Hate the Flay. Every time I used to watch his shows, he was drinking on camera like a big ol' lush. Like he drank quite a bit while the cameras weren't rolling.

Remember that Grillin' and Chillin' show with Bobby and that redneck short dude that always wore what looked like kid's overalls? I liked that one.

8:37 PM, October 27, 2009  
Blogger One Womans Life said...

A Pleasure to read!

12:46 PM, March 19, 2010  

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