Sunday, August 09, 2009

Just a mirror for the sun

This week I spent an extended amount of time driving across the fruited plain, seeing America... and a bit of the People's Republic of Michigan. So lucky you, you get another lame blog post out of it!

In Rolla, MO, I happened to stop for food at what might possibly be the dirtiest Burger King in the world. There were flies everywhere, and some gigantic Starship Troopers looking bugs in the entryway. I don't even want to know what it was that made the floor feel sticky. To add to the ambiance, there were two California-looking guys sitting by the door talking very loudly about GPS devices and government conspiracies.
I happened to see the two tinfoil-hatters 100 miles down the road when I stopped for gas. I quickly and quietly went inside to escape their harrowing gaze.

That wasn't the worst part about my stopover in Rolla, though. It turns out that the University has apparently bought into some self-esteem crap or something, and changed its name from The University of Missouri-Rolla to The Missouri University of Science and Technology. As acronyms go, "MUST" is a really crappy one. Sure, UMR doesn't mean anything, but everyone knew where you were coming from.
In my book, it's not a good day for the one-time Missouri School of Mines.

With the recent surge of insane behavior from Mississippi, Springfield Missouri may have been slipping in its position as the most bizarre city in America. Fortunately, an incident I witnessed on my trip should firmly valut them back into the top spot.
Now, this didn't happen within the city limits, but I say it still counts... and as I am Judge, Judy, and Executioner for this contest, it counts. So, just outside of town I saw a truck broken down on the Interstate, missing a tire. No problem, the driver of this vehicle probably took it into town to have it repaired... only he wasn't using a standard-issue auto jack to hold up his truck. Oh no, he was showing off his redneck-engineering skills by propping up his crippled truck with the odds and ends he had on hand. Namely, a Bobcat.

Not this kind of Bobcat: (which, admittedly, would have been hella impressive)

But THIS kind:

Way to go, Springfield. Way. To. Go.

I got to stop in Indiana for burgers and Green River soda. As I've mentioned here before, I love Green River like a mother loves her children... maybe, if she were a cannibal mother... OK, so it's not a perfect metaphor. Regardless, I love to drink Green River soda. I managed to down about 6 of them before I felt my kidneys were in mortal danger. THAT was a good day.

I've taken down the link to Fred Thompson's Presidential Campaign... for now. Apparently, there was an election, though I can't quite recall who won. In its place, I've included a link to the site for Teh Fred's radio show. If you don't happen to live in an area that carries his show, then you're definitely missing out - check out his archives, which contain terabytes of full shows, and all sorts of other Fredaica.

I made another Stuckey's Stop!! Huzzah!
In McLean, IL, inside the Dixie Truck Stop, you can find a (pretty sad excuse for) Stuckey's. Well, there was one corner with some pecan logs, and small bit of merch. If there was more cool stuff hanging around there, I sure didn't see it. So, perhaps some signs are in order, guys.
Nevertheless, it counts. Stuckey's FTW!

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Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

My son wants to go to UMR. I can never remember that newfangled name. And they ruined Southwest Missouri State by re-naming it plain ol' Missouri State. They might as well call it College. Like that shirt John Belushi wore in Animal House.

10:14 PM, August 19, 2009  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

UMR (as I decree it shall always be named) is an amazingly good school. Not just academically, but in campus life. Located, as my High School principal called it, at the 4th corner of the earth has tremendous advantages for a college full of dorks.
Mainly, the Uni is pretty much forced to keep stuff going on 7 days a week - otherwise everyone would go stir-crazy. Granted, this is also what makes UMR the #1 drinking school (per capita) in the country... so be forewarned.

UMR can compete with any other school for a degree in the hard sciences - yet at one half to one quarter of the price. Also, I would punch someone in the mouth that recommended any other school for geology or geophysics.

Also, they have a half-scale replica of Stonehenge cut with jets of water. How awesome is THAT? Dunno if it makes up for the lack of female students, but I suspect that the occasional visit by Margaret Thatcher helps even the score.

2:21 AM, August 20, 2009  
Blogger DeadpanAnn said...

The Stuckey's in Hattiesburg sucks. I sometimes stop there for gas and road munchies before leaving on a trip to Hernando, and I regret it every time. There's so much junk in there that it's hard to move around, it's always crowded, and that voice on the loud speaker demanding that I try one of their "delicious pecan rolls" tops the list of world's most annoying sounds. They do sell hand scooped ice cream cones, and although I've never bought one there I figure they oughta get some cred for that.

11:44 PM, August 25, 2009  

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