Monday, February 23, 2009

That's cinnamon, that's Hollywood

Random Thought February: GO!

Item: Great names for our new Chief Executive that are more accurate than Barack Hussein Obama.

"Teleprompter Jesus" is pretty good, and has been kicking around since the early days of the campaign. I've been partial to "Uh-Bama" myself, especially since his awful performance at the Saddleback forum. (Which seriously, should have been enough to derail his campaign - if the media was an honest broker. If Howard Dean's girlish yell was enough to end him, then "above my pay grade" is a no-brainer.)
But the best family-friendly nickname I've seen thus far has got to be the one used over at the Jawas' place: Hopey-One Kenobi. Sadly, there's no way in hell I can ever work it into a conversation with any of my friends - the lefty ones or the sane ones. If I'm really slick, I can sneak Uh-Bama by. More accurately, I could have slipped it by in the past, but because they occasionally read this blog, I've got about a month before they're on to me.

Item: Item.

Item: Corporate whores are cashing in on Uh-Bama's campaign logo. Missing: the staggering irony of the logo being designed by rampant Communist propagandists.

Jake Tapper was on Pepsi's case last month. There have been a few other conveniently-timed makeovers, but Pepsi's was the most blatant. I'm not going to go overboard with the histrionics about boycotting Pepsi forever, like some of the more dramatic of the commenters there. I'm reminded of the Pepsi ads Bob Dole did in the late 90s, spoofing his Viagra spots... they were pretty creepy, but more than willing to give a Republican some air time. Apparently they had some non-advertising ties with Richard Nixon as well, when he was Eisenhower's Vice-President, so this can cut both ways.

Most importantly, though, this gives me the chance to re-name the product in my home. And when I re-name something, I make it stick. For example, all chicken nuggets are now called "Danny's Moms." Hastings Video has been called "Baketown" since 10th grade. (you had to have been there, really. Just go with it)
Therefore, Pepsi shall now be known as "The Audacity of Coke."

Item: ITeM

Item: Redneck cars.

I've seen a shitty car along my drive home from work a couple times. Usually he's going the same way I am, so I've never been able to put a finger on why this car stands out. It's one of a good two dozen shitty cars I see coming to and from my job. Admittedly, it's easily in the Top 5, but still...
Anyway, I finally saw this car coming towards me and I was awestruck with a vision of Neckness. Like a heavens opening up, choirs of angels (singing "Git-er-dun," but all angelic-like) and a light shining down type of vision. The car is a rusted-out Chevy Cavalier looking P.O.S. with a fat yellow racing stripe on the hood. A hand-painted yellow racing stripe. Apparently, with house paint, because it's as matte a finish as I've ever seen.
As cool as that ad I linked makes the Chevy look, when you take it off the set of The Running Man, and the Ron Perlman lookalike with the weird remote control goes home, and you let it sit on cinder blocks for like 25 years... it's pretty much a piece of crap.

But still, that's one badass racing stripe... if you're drunk or something.

Item: I-TIM.

Item: Miz Ann's post today on re-purposing her blog.

I'm wit'cha, sista. The official blog of Hammistan here has seen some lean times. Seriously, you can see all the way back to July on the front page. I've been trying to get my blog-juice up and flowing again, but it doesn't really seem to be sparking. I don't know if I'm getting much more critical of myself as a "writer" or if I'm just running out of stuff to write. I've started to write a couple of posts now, only to scrap them after a half-hour or so.
Don't get me wrong, I've got plenty of things I'd like to say. I've got LOTS of wrong-headed shit I could rail against. I just don't see it being all that effective, especially as regards the apathy I mentioned in my post last month. Doubly so, given all the blog-generosity I've gotten in the last few months - thanks to all those folks, you know who you are.

On the other hand, maybe I'm subconsciously scrubbing my online presence in case I run for office myself. It's not like I need a future opponent finding this blog and running negative ads about my "dead" sister, orange snot, or voting for my penis. Hmmm... I'm not really helping my alternate-future candidate self with this, am I? Anyway, it's something I've thought about... after all, the next Presidential Election will see me finally over 35, and thus eligible. So I've got to get started on voting "Present" and doing nothing in the Senate for a couple years, right?

Maybe I'll start a little smaller. See about the School Board, or State House... maybe start networking with the Tea Party folks.

Item: I should stop with the "Item: Item" gag, no? Well, I'll think about it.

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