Sunday, December 07, 2008

Sunday nights, Frozen Paradise, off the chain

So, it's been about a month since I last reared my head. I really did mean to stop by last week, but holiday aftermath isn't ever pretty. Specifically, the part of the holiday aftermath consisting of the rather disturbing conversation I had the other night with my friend. The rather disturbing conversation that I will now share with all of you on the Internets.

So I hereby decree this to be Disturbing Thought Sunday.

I can't really set this up, because I don't really know how we got to talking about it. You see, the epiphany I had mid-conversation has pretty much wiped out everything that had happened previously.
Anyway, it goes like this: There is no such place as a company where only one man wears ass-less chaps to work.

Sure, a place could have (extremely) casual Friday, but then everyone would be wearing ass-less chaps, or something in a similar vein. Actually, everyone would be doing it on the second (extremely) casual Friday, after they noticed that Ass-less Chaps Guy showed up for work on the Monday following the first (extremely) casual Friday without being escorted off the premises.

There is, however, no office on God's Green Earth in which it is perfectly jake for one solitary person to walk around with his meat and two veg on display for all to see, and nobody cares one way or the other about it. They'd have to hire a second receptionist to explain to everyone just what the hell was going on. I imagine it'd sound something like this:
"Corporate Accounts Payable, this is Nina speaking -- Who, Ass-less Chaps Guy? Well, as I understand it, he prefers not to wear a coat and tie. I can understand sir. Personally, it's not my thing either, but our District Manager tells me that he meets his quota, so everything's OK as far as Corporate is concerned. No... nobody else in the department is all that into wearing leather - just him. Just a moment..."
The interesting thing about ACG is that his opposite doesn't exist. If you imagine a fetish store, or bar scene, in which everyone would naturally be wearing all kinds of kinky shit, it's not hard at all to picture someone wearing a suit and tie. There are a good half dozen fetishes I can think of off the top of my head that require such an outfit. No, I will not elaborate on any of them. You've got your own interweb - use it.

So there you have it. Enjoy. And if I don't get back here by the end of the year, Ass-less Chaps Guy and I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas... because nothing says "Happy Birthday Jesus" like two big, hairy butt cheeks flapping in the breeze.

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Blogger missbeans said...

I think if a person intends to be Ass-less Chaps Guy, they should be REQUIRED to wax. If we are subjected to the "meat and two veg" as you so eloquently put it, there is a moral obligation to spare us the hair.

11:56 AM, December 08, 2008  

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