Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My leopard's navigation skills are totally crap

Why not to fuck with the Jews: Reason #3871

I heard this on the radio as I was walking out of the house yesterday, but I thought for sure it had to be bullshit. Turns out I was wrong.

JERUSALEM — A man clad only in underwear and a T-shirt wrestled a wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family.

"This kind of thing doesn't happen every day," said 49-year-old Arthur Du Mosch, a nature guide. "I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking, I just acted."

You think the little pissant jihadi-wannabe's throwing rocks in the streets are scary? Even if they're throwing leopards, the Jews aren't breaking a sweat over it.

When asked to comment, Fred Thompson was reportedly not impressed. "Wrestling a leopard in bed? Please. Around here, I call that 'foreplay.'"

Update: I found some video of this while trolling the web-nets for zebra porn. Keep in mind that it's from Reuters, so there's the standard-issue gratuitous parading of a body for the crowd.

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Monday, May 28, 2007

And I sing the blues on every Decoration Day

I'm not even going to try to write a Memorial Day post in tribute to those that sacrificed everything for freedom. Nothing that shows up on my "infinite monkey" style blog is going to be sufficient to encapsulate the debt we owe those who have gone before us and gave their own lives so that ours would be secure.

Now that the picnics, white sales, and races are over and done with, please don't forget that today - not all those other mundane little things - is when we mark the true purpose of the holiday. So I urge you to make it meaningful. Mainly though, I want to remind everyone flying their flags today of the proper etiquette for the holiday. Many folks don't fly their flags regularly, which is fine, so it's easy to forget that Memorial Day has a special protocol.

From dawn until noon the flag is flown at half-staff out of respect for those who have died. At noon, however, we raise the flag to its full height. Additionally, when first posting the colors, the flag is raised to its full height for a moment then slowly lowered to the half-mast position. If you've already posted your flag incorrectly today, please go correct it. Don't hesitate to politely ask anyone displaying their flag improperly to do so as well. (I'm always reminding the guys at Wal-Mart... it's gotten to the point now that when the manager sees me coming, he doesn't even wait - he pages someone to go out and fix the flag.)

I shouldn't really have to say this, but I know some jack-hole out there is going to try and stir up shit today. Anyone that takes offense at a correction for flying the flag has forgotten the reason we fly it in the first place. The short version is that it's not for any person's indivual pride, it's to show respect for our entire nation - both the institutions and the people... and on this day it's a very specific group of people. So if you're trying to show respect, you're failing to achieve your goal unless you do it properly.

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

And my work fills the sky with flame

Any of you who also read my onetime Big Blogger 2 Cyberhousemate Mark's blog know that he's no stranger to the occasional blog drama. Actually, he's more like His Honor, the Mayor of Dramatown. (not to be confused with caketown) But I digress.

In the last couple weeks, Mark's blogged about a couple of pictures of his floating around the web-o-tron. Specifically, pix of guns pointing at the camera, and Zionist pets. Now, I fully intended to take my own versions of each of these and slap them up in support of Mark... but you know how me and photo deadlines are. I just don't roll like that. Hell, I never did get around to taking pictures of that Batman car from two years ago.

Anyway, a couple days ago, Mark referred to his blog as "the garbage I churn out for all my fucking unnappreciative trollcocks." As a man who appreciates colorful language, I had to stand up and applaud such a description of the dramatis personae that inhabit KOTGD. In the comments, I promised to create a trollcock badge... and today I make good on that promise.

Mark, whatever you want to do with it is entirely up to you. Award it to your friends, brand it upon you enemies, tattoo it on your mom. Whatever, I don't care. I'm satisfied just knowing that more people are saying the word "trollcock" because of you.
I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that I'm a very appreciative trollcock. So thanks, Mark.

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Friday, May 18, 2007

You're one of those guys I haven't seen since 1998

So... where the hell have I been lately, anyway?

Working my kiester off for a measly 3.0 this semester is the short answer. Unlike the Diva, I didn't get the fancy cars and fabulous prizes at kollij. No, I just barely squeaked out a lousy copy of the home game. Witness:

International Marketing: A
Eastern Economies Seminar: A
Intermediate Hammistani II: D

For the record, I want to say that I didn't feel right turning in work that was as littered with profanity as a city park after a hippie march. Generally, this is a positive... unless one happens to be studying Hammistani. Anyone who's spent twelve seconds reading the blog knows that we Hamms likey the F-bombs.


I mean "Fuckitty-fucking motherfuckin bitch-licker on a flaming shit-cycle!!"

See my problem now? I wrote an entire paragraph about how much I curse, and I didn't even curse in it. It's a fucking miracle I passed that class.

Anyway, that's not what I came to talk to you about. I came to talk about where I've been in the two weeks since finals ended. Long story short, (too late) I've been hanging out with The Bruce.

Motherfucker is way more than two Durans. He's Duran to the fourth power at the very least. Also, at the risk of being gauche, may I say that for a guy who cut off his hand with a chainsaw, he certainly can tickle those ivories. His piano playing ain't bad either. (rim shot!)


Update: I just noticed that Mizz Ann Mean Teacher got better grades than me, too. And Rachy's back blogging today, to boot! Add in Mark's Zionist Pet pictures, and it's full-on pandemonium out there.
Dammit, but when you people get together to steal my thunder, you really go all-out. I have to admit that my hat's off to you all.

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