As the power surges and my right foot urges

Relax everyone, I'm not dead.

-- crickets chirping --

Aaaaaanyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that if you happen to be traveling in Europe over the holidays, be sure to pick up the newly released remake of The French Connection. It stars Formula 1 legend, Michael Schumacher as a hard-boiled... no wait. That's not it at all - in truth, it's much, much better.

BERLIN (AFP) - Michael Schumacher may well be the fastest taxi driver in Germany after the seven-times world champion shocked a cab driver by taking over the wheel in order to be on time for a flight. When the former Formula One ace, plus his wife and two children, caught a taxi back to the airport, they were short on time and, after a polite request, cab driver Tuncer Yilmaz watched in wonder as Schumacher took the wheel.

"I found myself in the passenger seat, which was strange enough, but to have "Schumi" behind the wheel of my cab was incredible," Mr Yilmaz told the Muenchner Abendzeitung. "He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places."

The German track ace, who now lives in Switzerland, retired from Formula One in 2006 after a glittering career and, despite test drives for his old team Ferrari, has insisted there is no chance of a return to racing.

Nope, screw racing on a track where everyone can see it coming. "Schumi's" going to adopt the full-time "Random Encounter Table" form of racing.