Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Tell me that I'm lying 'bout a job

So, here we are in August. Lovely weather, innit?

Anyway, because we are the beneficiaries of Hillbilly Mom's overflowing wisdom, we know that the school year is almost over. Due to that impending deadline, I'm going to have to hit the bricks all year and secure myself some gainful employment for the "rest of my life" period that comes after college.
Now, I'm not worried about my resume. It is what it is, and I've worked hard to make it as good as I can. What gets me all nervy is the job interview. I've got a mock interview tomorrow, and I'm hoping I don't get any of those weird "What animal would you describe yourself as?" or "How many quarters would you have to stack up to reach the top of the Sears Tower?"

Well, not those two specifically. I've already prepared my answers for the questions I *know* I'm nervous about. It's the other weird shit that's making me nervous... the Kinko's Test kind of weird. (Note: for those of you who have never lowered yourself to apply for a job at Kinko's, in the olden days their pre-screening test was like 300 questions... all of which were designed to see if you're a criminal, insane, or criminally insane. Sample question: "True or false - most people have two thumbs?")

I know some of you reader(s) have been going on interviews lately. Let's hear the weird questions you were asked... especially if you applied at Kinko's.

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Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

For the curious, my animal-self is a mock-turtle... because it's a mock interview. Also, it takes a stack of 88 quarters to reach the top of the Sears Tower. Because a ticket up the elevator is $22. (Hey, that's a small price to pay for a chance to use the world's highest restroom!)

12:32 PM, August 02, 2007  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

When I interviewed for real jobs way back in ancient times, I was almost ALWAYS asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Oh, and I was told things such as:

This town has 29 churches.

It would not be fitting for you to be seen down at the corner bar.

6:58 PM, August 02, 2007  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Well, my intrerviews have always had a panel of people in front of me. Usually 6 people, but no pess than 4. They sit at a table and your chair is always about 20 feet away, smack dab in the middle of a room. The warm up questions are like, "What is your hobby?" (See my resume)
"What is the worst situation you have been in in your other jobs and how'd you handle that?"
"Where will you be in 5 years?"
"What will you do if you do not get this job?"

There were pre tests that went for a whole day, answering the likes of the question you, "Does seeing a rabbit killed make you A) angry
B) happy C) Sad or D) want to see it again?

Yep, checking if we are sane or ciminally insane is right.

Just be yourself. Answer questions honestly and look 'em in the eye as you answer their matter how dumbt he question is.

6:51 PM, August 05, 2007  
Blogger Mean Teacher said...

I wasn't asked any truly strange questions this go-round. A typical interview for a teaching position, in my experience, is designed to assess how much teacher jargon you know. When in doubt, just use words like "differentiated instruction" and "engaging lessons" and "bell to bell" and "assertive discipline," and so on.

The guy that finally hired me did it because I said that I felt that the "slang" language that is used among African Americans is "just part of their culture" and that it's not my job to change it, but rather to teach them how to replace it with standard English when necessary. At least I think that's why he hired me. He's real big on not holding the slang language thing against them. I heard him talk about it in one of our professional development meetings after I was hired, and remember him giving a big approving nod when I answered his questions about it in my interview. It's kinda comforting to know I was hired based on something I said that was actually true, instead of my knowledge of NCLB or whatever.

This is a really long comment. If it doesn't post, I'm gonna be one pissed off fat white rabbit f*cker.

6:44 PM, August 11, 2007  
Blogger Mean Teacher said...

P.S. Your Israel charity link is broken.

10:42 PM, August 11, 2007  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Turns out it was much ado about nothing. There weren't any oddball questions in the interview - much to my blog's disappointment.

But at least it got some of you guys to throw out a comment. You like me! You really like me!

PS thanks for the heads-up about the link, Meanie. It's all fixed-ified now.

12:11 AM, August 13, 2007  

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