I know he's there, but I just had to call

Although I promised a different topic to those of you enduring winter's chill, I don't have the luxury of being able to access my home computer with my list of the internet's greatest hits, so I'll have to do what I do best: procrastinate.
Ooh! I could call it foreshadowing... then I'd be super-literal and get praise for being a "creative soul" and other similar puffery.

Fortunately, I've got a perfectly suitable topic to bitch about.

Attention people of earth: Learn how to answer the damned telephone!
You are not a member of the Kuh-Sai squad. You are not Mulder. You are not Scully. You are, in fact, not even answering your cell phone... you're at your desk where you (supposedly) maintain a professional working atmosphere.
Answering the phone with "Davison!" is hardly professional. Ditto for "Go!" It doesn't even matter if you have the coolest surname ever; Hasselhoff himself couldn't pull this off. Okay, maybe it would fly in Germany. But you're not in Germany, and you definitely don't want to sit on the right hand of the 'Hoff, so don't even go down that road.

Even worse, are the people I have to call that just pick up their phones... and fucking sit there like a log. No "Trawley here." No "MITCHELL!" Not even a "Whazzzzzzzzup," which actually would be a refreshing change of pace.
No, these slack-jawed mouth-breathers just sit there waiting for me to start talking. The word "hello" was coined for exactly this situation, you cretins. Start using it!

Alas, that's not what happens. Generally, I stammer out a confused "hel...lo?" and they talk at me like I'm the one causing a problem. One day I will lose my paitence with one of these clowns and proceed to break the social contract over his head, then shove it up his "Nash Bridges" lovin' ass. Who's with me?

Hello?