Sunday, April 24, 2005

I'm a boy, Well I'm your mother, I'm a one night stand

While watching Leno the other night, during the monologue (I guess... I wasn't really paying attention) he showed a commercial for the "hot new" animation from JibJab. Yes, what he showed was the actual animation... but admit to yourself it's a commercial for JibJab. They haven't been relevant since a few months before the election, so if you think no money changed hands on this deal you're deluding yourself.
Anyway, it was a supposedly clever rap about Passover and how matzo apparently gives your GI tract time to pause for reflection. I couldn't say how close to home it hit, since I'm not a matzo conniseur or anything... I tried it when I was a kid, and recall it had essentially no taste at all. Maybe just a hint of notebook paper, but that's being generous.

What I want to know is did the 98% of America that's not Jewish even GET any of the jokes in that stupid thing? I'm well-read enough to catch the "Wailing Wal-Mart" one (actually, I elled em eff ay oh on that one) but the rest of it was rockin the mic in the stratosphere.
If you're going to drop the kind of green it takes to buy time on the Tonight Show monologue, for fuck's sake at least be cognizant of your audience. Most people don't know jack shit about their own religion, much less someone else's.

But that's not what I came to talk to you about...

Earlier today I was doing my best "I allegedly ate some matzo" impression when I had a brilliant idea for a product. I'll be pitching this to Sony or Toshiba next month, but since you're all good loyal readers and would never ever think about ripping off your ole buddy Stew (because I know where all y'all fuckers live) I'll cut you in on a sneak peek.
I'm going to go George Carlin one better and design a combination CD Player and condom. It's called... FuckMan™!
As far as an ad slogan goes, I'm thinking of:
"Ten times more personal than an I-Pod"
but I could also go with the simple, yet elegant:
"Fucking Awesome!"

All I know is that "Come On, Eileen" is the first track I'm putting on mine.
.

4 Comments:

Blogger Di said...

Man, that is SICK! Yet... somehow awesome. Oh and uh...you don't know where I live!!!

11:06 PM, April 24, 2005  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Sick, yet awesome - just like me! IF it makes you feel better to believe I don't know where you live, then that's cool. Denial is a powerful force.

So is a restraining order... but you don't need to be so drastic as to have to prove it. Come on baby, you know Ike loves you... just don't make me have to hurt you, sugar, you know Ike don't like that.

I mean... um, I don't know. Let's just pretend I was talking about the post.

8:12 AM, April 25, 2005  
Blogger Di said...

I so know who you are. STOP DENYING IT!!! =)

9:40 PM, April 25, 2005  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Hoooo-kay then.

7:26 PM, April 27, 2005  

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