Thursday, August 25, 2005

I got to keep it strong for tha cause

This is the most difficult post I've had to write in a long time. Not because it involves personal demons I've had to conquer, nor does it involve diligent research (because that would be work...) No, friends, today's post is so incredibly difficult to write - because I can't decide on which joke to make.

So I'll just cut to the, er, center of the story and let you choose from your favorite of the dozens of punchlines this tale could have.

Some students at Idaho's largest university say a vagina-shaped chocolate bar handed out by the school's women's center is disrespectful to women.

Boise State University's women's center gave out the white chocolate female genitalia reproductions to incoming students last week.

You can understand my dilemma here. Do I go for the tasteful "Melts in your mouth, not in your hand" joke, or should I probe deeper into the depths of comedy and wonder if the chocolate cooters have cream centers?
Do you have to take the candy out for dinner before you can unwrap it, or will just a couple of drinks do the trick? Does the candy get jealous if you have more than one piece at a time? Do you have to lick on it a while, like with a Tootsie-Pop, or can you just dive right in and eat it? Ooh, what about a choco-cunt with a cherry center! You see, these jokes practically write themselves here.
Autumn Haynes, a center coordinator, says they want to dispel the myth that it's not OK to talk about "down there."
Yeah... nothing helps open a dialogue about vaginas like calling them "down there." Score one for the feminists!

Out of sheer curiosity, I've got to wonder why such an obviously left-wing group only had WHITE chocolate candy. Isn't that rather racist, considering that real chocolate is black, and white chocolate isn't even chocolate? (It's cocoa butter)
While we're on the theme of race (and I'm making a complete pig out of myself) lemme just alienate any readers that remain unoffended and wonder how long the line was for the candy... because you know some guys will do anything for easy white pussy.


Anonymous Rachel from the land of Oz said...

you are a very diligent thinker... and aside from that I am laughing my fucking head off right about now

8:26 PM, August 25, 2005  
Blogger Di said...

I'm so offended that I can't stop laughing you racist, sexist pig!!!! I am very offended! Oppressor.

Fuhgawdsakes. How did that pitch meeting go?

Um... you guys? I got this vagina-shaped... no wait... start over...can't say vagina....

You guys? I don't know who ordered it, but I got this unmarked brown package in the mail yesterday, and it's a candy mold shaped like "down there." My boyfriend says he doesn't know anything about it. Maybe we could use it for something?

12:57 PM, August 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're a sick sick bastard, Stew... thanks, homes.
I've got one you missed, however:

If you find a hair in your candy, is it something you should worry about, or is it a design feature?

chocolate cooters... I'mma be laughing about that all night.


12:21 AM, August 28, 2005  

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