Thursday, September 20, 2007

Voices in your body coming through on the radio

There are times when each of us is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell, one can't have spent as much time in kollij as Diva or I have and not run across one or two subjects that make one's brain crazier than a fish with titties.

Letting Iranian "President" AchingForJihad tour Ground Zero and pay his respects to... whomever he saw fit? Crizzazzy.

OJ staging a stick-up? Pretty fucking crazy.

But this guy? He's got retard-strength crazy coming out his ears. Seriously, he makes all my previous Big Dumb Sheep posts seem like Graduate Theses by comparison.
A man in Oregon nearly died after a pet rattlesnake that he put in his mouth while drinking with some friends bit him inside his throat. Matt Wilkinson said when he put his eastern diamondback rattlesnake down his throat, he immediately noticed a shot-like sensation.

Wilkinson, who nearly died from the incident, is still recovering from the bite."They said I had enough venom in me to kill between 12 and 15 people," Wilkinson said.

But the money quote, containing the world-caliber stupid is saved for the very end:
"I still love snakes but I will take a little more care in handling them," Wilkinson said. "It is kind of my own stupid fault."

Just "kind of" your fault, there, Professor? Not maybe, say, "entirely" or "unequivocally" or "abso-fucking-lutely" your fault?

Good Lord, how is it statistically possible that this Ralph Wiggum wannabe hasn't walked in front of a bus?

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Friday, September 07, 2007

I wish I had a nickname like Crusher, Snake or Kenneth

Random Thought Thursday strikes again. This time, it's so random, it's not even on Thursday!

First off, I'm glad to see that "Mark's" legal troubles are... ahem... behind him.

More importantly, though, is that if I ever have a kid, I'm going to nickname him or her "Yard Dog." Or "Bush Ape." I'm not for sure which one I'll go with, but definitely one of those two.
Seriously, though, how cool would it be the only kid in second grade with a nickname like "Bush Ape?" All the TJ's and the JR's that were at the top of the nickname heap when we were kids can suck it, because my kid Yard Dog owns them!
You know, Yard Dog and Bush Ape are such awesome nicknames, that I'm going to stick with them even if I have a daughter. OK, sure, she'll have to toughen up a bit if she's gonna be called Yard Dog, but I think she'll find it useful later on in life. No quarterback's going to try getting grabby on a date with my daughter Bush Ape, that's for damn sure.
The one area where I foresee problems is if I adopt a baby from China or Korea. Every nerd in the herd will spooge all over himself if he got within the same zip code as a hot Asian girl named Yard Dog.

Hmmm. I need to balance this out so it's not so obvious that I just wanted to riff on a couple of sweet nicknames I thought up. So here's one for the road: Given the massive dye job that Osama's got in his new video, is it racist for me to wonder if he used "Just For Men?"

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