Thursday, February 15, 2007


As the Pet Shop Boys once said, Love comes quickly. So quickly, in fact, that if you lie down after lunch to take a quick nap, all of a sudden it's the middle of the night and your Valentine's Day post doesn't go up on your blog until the 15th. (OK, so I paraphrased a little there.)

Regardless, I apologize to you, dear Internets, for missing our special day together. I had wanted so much to be with you and share that time with you... I even had a poem for you. I hope you'll appreciate the semtiment, even if it is a little late.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
All my base
Are belong to you.

Happy Valumtimes Day, Internets. I hope that Cupid launched a Zig at you, for great justice... and great love.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen

What. The. Fuck.
SAN FRANCISCO - In a bizarre attack, a well-known author and Holocaust scholar was dragged out of a San Francisco hotel elevator by an apparent Holocaust denier who reportedly had been trailing him for weeks.


In a posting Tuesday on the anti-Zionist Web site ZioPedia, a writer using the name Eric Hunt takes credit for the attack: “After ensuring no women would be traumatized by what I had to do (I had been trailing Wiesel for weeks), I stopped the elevator at the sixth floor. I pulled Wiesel out of the elevator. I said I wanted to interview him.”

Wiesel grabbed at his chest and yelled for help, according to the posting. “I told him, ‘Why don’t you want people to know the truth?’ His expression changed, and he began screaming again. …” the posting reads.Police reported that the suspect tried to force Wiesel into one of the rooms, but ran away when Wiesel started yelling.

(Hat tip to the one and only Ace of Spades.)

This of course begs the question was this guy, "Eric Hunt," a Christofascist zombie godbag hatebot for being a far-right anti-semite that would accost an old man in an elevator and try to drag him off for an Abu Ghraib "interview," or was he a progressive icon worthy of his own Daily "Screw Them" Kos diary for daring to speak truth to the "New York money-men" in power, and challenging the "Holocaust mythos" like the left's bestest buddy Iranian President Amadenijihad?
Someone help me out, I just can't figure out who's the bad guy here...

Seriously, what the fuck? At least he didn't call Mr. Wiesel "Kenneth."

Monday, February 05, 2007

I heard the wind blow and it whispered your name

A few weeks ago, I wrote a little post about my work environment and how our ground-floor restrooms are the host organism for the gayest soap ever. Today, I learned that using the word "ever" was a bit presumptuous of me...

Technically, the soap I'll discuss today isn't gay so much as it's stupid. Very stupid, in fact. Just how stupid can this soap be, you ask... well try "peas" on for size. Yes, now that intoxicating aroma of peas - as in food that you eat - can now cling to your hands all bloody day long. Because, really, who doesn't want to go into an important meeting smelling of lunch? Who wouldn't want to have a prospective employer's first impression be "Hire me, I eat with my hands!" Who wouldn't want an important client to take their business elsewhere because your fragrant palms are screaming "I cannot grasp the concept of utensils!"

Perhaps this isn't the stupidest soap ever, but it's definitely in the top five. (between month-old bologna from a skunk's ass, and dead hobo) The kicker, however, is the little blurb at the bottom of the label that proclaims "Formulated with deodorizers to remove germs and odors from the hands."

Normally, I'm not in the business of giving out freebies... buuuuut next time maybe you should look into formulating your soap to remove the stink of peas, okay?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

How long would I stay to see it all?

Today is the most important day in my life. Without question, the events that have unfolded recently will have a lasting impact upon world events for generations to come. Stars will be born and die, spinning their existance away in the cold vacuum of space, and their time in the universe will have meant nothing when compared to the events of this day.
What can I possibly be talking about, that has such a profound effect upon humanity?

The DVD release of Gymkata, of course!

My God, if you haven't run out to your nearest electronics retailer and purchased this magnificient relic of the cinema, then your soul will surely be forefit upon Judgement Day... you poor, poor bastard. As for me, I'm off to spend two hours in the company of Kurt Thomas, and a village full of lunatics with pommel horse statues. If you need to reach me then too fucking bad, I'll be in Karabal, on the Caspian Sea.

Yak-MALLA, everyone!