Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Curse Sir Walter Raleigh

Dear Friends:

I'm sorry about the lack of posts recently. I'm prone to doing this sort of thing from time to time, and I've always felt like a shitheel for up and vanishing from the 'sphere. I owe (both of) you guys more than that.

So, what's up with Stew? As I said last week, I had most of a "where are we, and where are we going" post in my head that didn't want to get put into words... because those words hurt to write. Instead, I forced myself to write a happy post, and convince myself that I had a good day. And it was a good day, don't get me wrong. Good... but not really "blogworthy." You all know what that's like, I'm sure.
In the back of my mind, I thought I would take some time to ease into putting all this down on "paper" and keep posting other stuff in the interim. So far, that plan has spectacularly failed. Everything I've tried to write has been utter shit. Most of it didn't even survive past the first sentence. I know I've always been this way about blogging - it's the primary reason I post so infrequently. There are easily five times as many "abandoned" posts I've started than ever made it to the frontpage of the blog. But this isn't writer's block I'm talking about.

So why can't I turn even one of my ideas into a couple paragraphs of hacked text for your reading pleasure? I dunno... I'm tired, I guess. I haven't gotten much sleep lately - or ever really. On a good night I get four hours; typically I get half that. I used to get really jazzed from the blog - revitalized, if you will. But now, well... there's only so far that R. Kelly and Russell Crowe jokes can take a guy.

That's why I'm going to hang it up. I'm giving up blogging... or at least giving up pretending to blog.

Don't get me wrong, I've always loved the communities of people I met through blogging. The Big Blogger cyberhousemates, Rachy and the ObsDeck Aussies, Di and her Blogateers - you guys have kept me laughing when I found very little to laugh about elsewhere. You're family, you are. Fucked-up and dysfunctional, no doubt - but family nonetheless. I'll still make the occasional lameass wisecrack in your various comment pages, but from now on I no longer "have" a blog. Consider this a page of links to places that you might find me reading.

Thank you all for your friendship through the last two (or more) years. Thanks for the support, the humor, and the boobies. Thanks for reading. (you poor, poor bastards, you) But mostly, thanks for the friendship. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap, mow my yard, and re-start Moby Dick.
Oh horseshit, who am I kidding? I should take two naps and let the rest of that crap slide for another week. Regardless...


Sunday, September 17, 2006

Something is out there - I hear it!

What I Did on My Blogoversary, a (shitty) essay by Stewed Hamm

Yesterday the 16th was, of course, my second blogoversary. Initially, I had planned a more retrospective post for this morning... sort of a "Where have we been, and where are we going" kind of thing. But who wants to read that pap? Seriously, that's why MySpace was invented... that and the proliferation of animated gifs.
Anyway, I realized as I was starting to write the post out, that I had a pretty good day today, so I'd rather just share that with my readers. (yes, all both of you)

So I started out by catching up on blog reading. I hadn't been over to Ace's in almost a week. (I'm such a hack at the AOS Lifestyle) After lunch, I watched Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail with some friends, rather than opting for the Hammistan U. football game. (Hammhocks won anyway)

Went to see my friend Frosty Jack's band. Asses, faces, and sox were thoroughly rocked. Unfortunately, one of the bandmembers chose to infect the show with his stupid-assed politics (something he typically does, but it's gotten increasingly idiotic as time progresses)
For most of the show, I sat with some friends, and tried to ignore the ignorant philosophy behind his "Anti Zionist" T-shirt that was rolling around in my head. Seriously, how one-sided and thoughtless does someone have to be to actually espouse the idea that a certain group of people should be denied the right of self-determination and exist by the good graces of the rest of the world who may or may not decide to start a pogrom upon them?
Then I realized that 1) I shouldn't let some art-school twit ruin a good metal show, and 2) I didn't pay a fucking cent to get in the door. Still, I couldn't in good conscience buy a T-shirt from them at the show, but I can probably corral one out of FJ later on.
I did decide that I'm definitely getting a shirt with the Israeli flag on it for their next show. If stickmonkey wants to start some shit over my eveningwear, I can hold my own.

The perfect topper to my evening was that my car didn't get towed from my "creative" parking space. I doubt I could ask for anything more.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Through the storm we reach the shore

The blog was down this morning, I'm not sure for how long. I want to apologize to all the people who were trying to look for information about song lyrics or Kirsten Dunst's tits. Anyway, one "republish all" and we're back in business.

So as long as i'm here, I might as well put up an attempt at a real post, huh. I've been meaning to write a little about what I did on September 11th, but I'm not sure that it's at all interesting. Then again, it's not like anyone reads this thing...

September 11th was one of the toughest days I've had this year. I think it's mostly because I haven't really gotten over the attacks. It's not that I lost someone special, or knew someone... hell, I don't even like New York -- prior to the attacks I absolutely despised it. It's just a basic human reaction to something so evil, I suppose.
While I was content to spend the morning reading blog tributes, and looking through some of the memoriams at the 2996 project, a good friend dragged me out of the house and forced me to get out in public. Naturally, it was raining and grey - fitting weather for a somber morning. I moped around in Target and tried to pretend I were interested in looking for whatever it was we were there for... but I just couldn't make the effort.

If you're a mopey bastard like I am, then you're dwelling in the past and letting evil win the day. Defeat those inhuman fucks by going on with your life and refusing to submit. However, if you're cheerful and active, then you're callous or insensitive to the tragedy of that day and you have no soul. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

I bought a copy of United 93, though I know it's going to be a long time until i can actually watch it. Anyway, the symbolism made me feel better, and by the time I got home it was a sunny afternoon. I posted my flag at full staff to give islam a special "Fuck You" and went about my life.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Ladies and gents, we're still alive by the skin of our teeth

For you and me, today is probably like most other days. We'll mark our religious observations, we'll watch a little football, and we'll think about the things we need to do tomorrow. This is where the left takes a dramatic turn from the rest of us, and wanders off into "reality-based" territory.

You see, for the left, tomorrow is also the time to flip back to the first page of their calendars and start the whole year over again. It's time to flip their calendars all the way back to September 10, 2001.
For the left, there's nothing special about tomorrow. For the left, the most pressing issue of the day is an argument about a movie that makes Clinton's legacy look bad. For the left, the biggest concerns are how to register more Democrat voters and if falling oil prices will hurt the effort to retake control of Congress in November. For the left, there are no islamic jihadis who will slay and be slain until shariah rules the world. For the left, tomorrow is another Monday...

For the rest of us, tomorrow is September 11th.

Don't ever forget what happened five years ago tomorrow. It wasn't the first jihadist attack against America, and it wasn't the last, but it should have clarified in an instant for every freedom-loving citizen of Western civilization exactly what we are fighting against. The fact that some of us didn't get that message speaks volumes.

I don't know if I'll be posting anything tomorrow, because life does in fact go on... but today is a good day to look at memoriams from the preceding four years and make plans for doing something to mark the anniversary. I do know that for me tomorrow isn't any other Monday. Tomorrow is -- first and foremost -- September 11th.

World Trade Center Hit

Don't forget what happened on that day. Don't ever forget.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Word up to my thick soul sisters

Attention Ocrisians!

This man has singlehandedly re-written our national anthem. Mr. Coulton, while taking a break from writing songs about simian office romance, overly polite zombies, and Dr. Tom Cruise, has transformed our beloved paean to the beauty of womanhood into an even more lovelier version of itself.
It's like arriving to pick up your date for the prom, only to discover that her hot sister is tagging along as well.

Regardless of which version of our anthem you prefer, I can only hope that Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with your selection. Peace out, y'all.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

It's gonna be a bad day come Sunday

OK, look. So I haven't posted anything in a while... and this whole month has been pretty sparse, at best. Frankly, this is just going to be how it is for a while. School is kicking my ass three ways until the weekend - seriously, I've got easily double my previous workload, thanks primarily to a wild-eyed Poli-Sci professor that's got us reading 40 or 50 pages a week on Mao Zedong while she tries OH SO HARD not to criticize his brutal fucking regime.
(Ironically, I was in the West Hammistan LieBerry today, strolling through the kids's section [because you practically have to if you want to visit the crappers] and there was a book on the Illustrious Leader with a big starburst inviting kids to "Judge For Yourself!" I didn't have the stomach (or bladder) to look through it, but how deep in self-bullshit do you have to be to start writing "But what about all the good things Mao did!" books?
Even the uber-socialist version of the Beatles wouldn't approve of carrying pictures of Chairman Mao...)

Anywhom, posts are going to be slight for a while, until I get acclimated to the increased workload. When I get a chance, I'll go back for "Purging Intellectuals, Collectivization Blues, and Other Mass Line Nursery Rhymes," just to see how bad it really is.