Monday, April 24, 2006

Take a look in the mirror and see the clown in yourself

I have a confession to make... one you're not going to like hearing, but one that nonetheless must be made.

I'm guilty of violating my Zen Blogging philosophy.

Last month, before I resumed posting at what passes for full-time around here, I had the penultimate weirdass serach string pop up on StatCounter... and I let it slide. I know you all depend on me for search strings that are about half as twisted as the ones Rachy gets, and I let you down... can you see it in your hearts to forgive me?

Howabout if I tell you I've gotten around 25 hits for variations of nostril zits since I posted my magnum opus on the battle of the beak?

How about if I tell you the stort of the poor lost soul who hit upon Hammistan when searching for "self improvement." I hope he made it out of here alive.

Still no dice, I see. Well, as usual, I get plenty of snot searches. Mostly orange, occasionally white... but this week I had a "black snot chunks" string show up. Congratulations for taking one step further down the spiral there, guys. You roxors.

Just not good enough, eh? Very well, let's cut right to the chase then... the aforementioned uber string was "elf pus mirrors." No, I have no fucking clue what it is either. (other than an excuse to whip out some Mr. Bungle lyrics)

Finally, you all deserve to know just what inspired my return to the straight and narrow. What it was that reminded me of the debt I owed to Zen Blogging, regardless of my desire to pay it... It was a search for "sickass sentences" - from Google Australia, of all places. If you Roo-rooting Spazzes need my help finding exceedingly twisted internet crap, then by all means I'm willing to step up to the plate. (by the way, if you really need me to warn you that the following links aren't for the faint of heart, then you're fucking stupid.)
To Wit: (with hugs and kisses to the staff of rotten.com)
Spread the Love
Atkins Approved
Which Way Did They Go?
Let The Children Come Unto Me
Jihad Is A Blast!
and finally, if you really must, though I don't reccomend it...
Tastes Like Chicken

There, that should definitely increase my readership... because people love horrifying images they can't get out of their heads. And vomiting, too! People definitely love vomiting.

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Previous Search String Inanity:
It Snot Me, It's Inertia
Eleven Psychotic Search Strings
Listen up you primitive screwheads: this is my GOOGLE!
Zen Blogging
Misspelling Bee
Boobies for the Frog Brothers
Phlegm Redux
The Mystery of Soul Bitches


2 Comments:

Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Just in case you're wondering what kind of Spaz I am...

Those of you dropping by earlier today saw like 7 copies of this post. That was because Blogger was fuxored and not allowing posts to go through... when it was fixed, I guess all that backlog of unposted posts came rushing through. Dumbasses.

2:41 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Patrick said...

I like a man true to his word. You said you would use the word "spaz" and lo and behold there it is! twice! I'm impressed.

6:00 PM, April 24, 2006  

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